walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
