I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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