i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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