My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize