Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
