he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
