Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
