is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
