Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Randomize
