As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
