remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize