Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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