is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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