Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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