guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Actions speak louder than pants.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
