do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
