oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
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