Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Randomize
