He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize