Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
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