It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
