i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
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