it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize