sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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