Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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