I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
