u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
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