im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
