Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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