My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Randomize
