we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize