I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I just want to make out with him forever
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
