Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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