If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Randomize
