AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
