there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
