I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I will be naked everywhere
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
