This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
