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Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
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