I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
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