Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
