I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
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