U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
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