and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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