i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Randomize
