So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Randomize
