what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Randomize
