i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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