You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
