well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
