Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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