I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
