you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
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