she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
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