I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
