the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
