Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
What drink are we having for lunch?
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
