So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
