I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Randomize
