I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Four minutes until I can fart!
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
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