two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
