Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Randomize