All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
