i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
