The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
